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Poetry by Argentum-Lupae-Luna

Literature by Fyres-Descent


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Submitted on
December 10, 2012
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Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about how we would sit up in your bedroom and giggle in hushed voices,
Or forget how when you'd come over to my house we'd share secrets and wishes.
I wish I could forget how you'd tell me that I was beautiful, when really the beauty was always in you.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about all of our inside jokes, and how we spoke.
Or forget how I told you all my secrets and let you see everything in me.
I wish I could forget how much you knew.

Sometimes I wish I could forget.
Forget about how you'd always tell me that you wished you were better.
Or forget about how I always said that you were perfect,
I wish I could forget that to you, perfection wasn't good enough.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about how the day you told me, my heart shattered for you.
Or forget about how it didn't come as a surprise to me.
I wish I could forget how our story ended.

{I wish I could have saved you}

Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about the anger and betrayal I saw in your eyes.
Or forget about how when I hugged you, crying, you turned to stone.
I wish I could forget that you now hate me.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget,
Forget about how after that day your soft brown eyes turned into harsh lasers.
Or forget how every time I'd pass by you, your entire disposition would change.
I wish I could forget that nothing I did helped you.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about how even six months after, you still glared at me.
Or forget about how every time I would try to speak to you, the words wouldn't form.
I wish I could forget so I would no longer regret.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget.
Forget about the fact that it was my fault that I lost you, but it was yours too.
Or forget about the fear that lingered in my heart for months, worrying about you.
I wish I could forget, because remembering you has done nothing but make me miss you.

Sometimes, I wish I could forget you.

Written: 8/27/12

Hello, everyone. I know I haven't posted anything in awhile, so, I thought I'd post this poem for ya guys. It's about someone I used to be really good friends with. I think that poem was me putting everything to rest.

I have some more big news to share, but you'll have to wait a few more weeks before I share what that news is...*gigglegiggle*

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. :3

Feedback questions:

-What are your feelings right after reading the poem?
-Do you think the amount of formatting/decoration was too much, too little, or just enough?
-Can you relate to this poem?
-Are there any mistakes you can see?
-Do you have any suggestions on how I can either make this poem, or one of my future poems better?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrationalist-v-artist:
The pain and sorrow was clearly expressed in the tone of the poem. Your lexis was superbly chosen to reflect the persona’s feelings and emotions.

The 'decorations' as you call them are very original, which is important to see when many people have written poems about loss and moving on. I haven’t seen many poems with formatting like yours, though from those I have seen, yours is definitely more sophisticated. There is a nice (though sorrowful!) shift from emphasising positives (“everything”, “perfect”) to negatives (“anger”, “betrayal”). This technique really helped to develop the narrative in your poem.

I would watch how frequently you repeat lines (in this one the “sometimes, I wish I could forget”); it has a good effect of reinforcing a key theme in the poem, but it can often become tedious and distract from other, more subtle themes in your writing. Try using it in every other stanza; that way, you can keep the idea at the forefront of your readers’ minds whilst giving other ideas space to breathe.

Overall it's a solid piece of writing: fantastic technique, bringing its own originality to the theme. I enjoyed it, in that sombre way one enjoys these types of poems. Well done :)
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrosaenora:
RosaEnora Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student Writer
Fantastic :) I love it!!!
Reply
:iconspuffy12:
Spuffy12 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconrosaenora:
RosaEnora Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Writer
Your welcome :)
Reply
:icontwilighttears446:
TwilightTears446 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist
Oh that is so sweet, i love it...*sniffle*
Reply
:iconspuffy12:
Spuffy12 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :3
Reply
:iconnigmasin:
NigmaSin Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate to this poem, it reads like a story and I love the formatting
Reply
:iconspuffy12:
Spuffy12 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad. :D
And thank you, my formatting is one of those things I really take pride in. (:
Reply
:iconikestrel:
iKestrel Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist
Interesting... Sadness is definately at the forefront...
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:iconspuffy12:
Spuffy12 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Indeed it is. o:
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:iconikestrel:
iKestrel Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist
Hm...
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